So it has almost been 2 months here in St. Louis... A LOT has been going on...
I'm beginning the "next chapter of life" as a graduate student at Washington University in St. Louis.
I never ever imagined this kind of future for myself... but here I am.
Quick Facts:- I am a stay at home Nanny (Au Pair) for a healthy 8 year old child.
- I am getting my Masters in Social Work- concentration is in School Social Work as well as Gerontology.
- I am a Camp Counselor for the St. Louis Arc, where I am paired with 1-3 persons with developmental disabilities for 2 weekends per month and aid them and care for them in all ways possible. (including diaper changing, adult diaper changing, feeding, attending to seizures, changing bed sheets when bed wetting occurs, etc.)
- I am currently waiting for a response to becoming a Research Assistant for the Wash U psych department. This would entail interviewing the elderly and collecting data.
- I am still dating Jack! :)
- I'm attending "The Crossing" which is the English Ministry church of Hope Church in St. Louis.
How things have been:I've been extremely blessed through the lives of the people I am surrounded by. I myself have received several awesome opportunities here. However, I have really been struggling with living independently without any friends and family by my side. Unfortunately, I have me and myself to talk with (of course God too..) but handling things and always being "ready and available" for others to come to and to be of service to has been challenging. I've been trying to heavily depend on the Lord for wisdom and strength. Almost every day has been filled with a roller coaster of emotions, good and bad.
Finding balance has been difficult. I am .... extremely good at organizing my time and making sure I can complete tasks efficiently. I have taken on several tasks as a 21 year old full-time student, and I know that I could easily cut back on several things and live a very "comfortable"/laid back lifestyle.... but I choose and have been called not to. There are too many "natural" gifts God has given to me for me to just sulk up all my energy for myself and not to give to others... However, the balance of personal and social is tough. As much as i can give and provide for others, I feel the strong pressures of making sure I myself am living a life glorifying to God on a personal level. This entails: daily devotionals, prayer life, edifying relationships with others, and the nurturing of my own heart and motives to be as pure as it can be on this Earth.
Aside from all of that, several "brushed under the cover" issues from the past have finally eroded into a big mess. So much of a mess that it almost seems nearly impossible to remedy. The mentality I have, especially in the field of Social Work, is to help find resources for others' well-being and develop solutions for change... however when these things become soo personal (family members)... its firstly, unethical for me to take on family as a client and just plain awkward... but I have been experiencing a lot of burden to "salvage" the big mess that has exploded in my families' struggles. All I know is to continue to pray, but a large part of me wants to create a forced family meeting and have everyone confront issues of the past and deal with them... to discontinue the habit of brushing things under the covers.... that is no way to deal with problems. But in this Asian culture... being passive and being that culture stigmatized by shame and guilt is so ingrained in the generations before mine, that it is hard to change that and work with it...
The only comfort i find when thinking about my family is that.. it's true... every family in the world all face their dysfunctionalities. We're all dysfunctional people. It's not until people can realize this and accept it that any room for possible change can be made. But if we continue to compare and deny the fact that there are problems... trouble arises.
Room for Hope:As this is a public posting on xanga, I just ask that all who have read through to pray for me! My biggest prayer request these days have been to receive "super-natural powers" from Christ to get through my daily life and to have wisdom in all I say and do. I truly believe that my request is possible and I know that He'll grant me everything I need to get through the issues in my life.
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